Just the Beginning

                 The cost of a post secondary education held me back. I had always planned on going back to school; However, I never anticipated the emotional struggle.

                  I started out with fresh eyes after graduating high school, took a 9 month long certificate program which lead me to a clerical job in the hospital that paid quite well.  Many people certainly have a fulfilling career out of this position, but I always knew there was something more for me in this life. Unit clerking is purely an “I do not know what I want to do with my life but I need to do something in the meantime” career. When I told my mom of my plans she threw her thumbs up and said that it was a brilliant plan so I worked my butt off going from an on call entry position, to a permanent part time until I finally landed my full time permanent position 5 years later. The toughest part about this job is the seniority basis of getting a job.  You could be the most competent unit clerk, or the worst one ever and you would still get paid the same.

                  This frustrating pattern of unfair competition in the workplace led me into a toxic relationship and constant self doubt. The unhappiness I had for my career choices influenced a pattern of bad life choices.

                  Shortly after feeling completely lost, I gathered my strength to turn my life around. Going back to school was an easy decision for me; I just had no idea what I was going to do.  I started taking 1 class, then 2 classes and felt lost once again. I felt judged going back to school with no direction.

                  The moment I figured it out, something inside me sparked. At this point, I had been so deep in English, health and wellness, communication and anthropology classes that I took quite a sharp turn. My new found joy was Dietitian and I was going to do whatever it took to get there. Little did I know, sciences are quite different than writing papers and the struggle worsened. I was working full time and going to school 3 very busy days a week. My breaking point didn’t come as quick as one might imagine. I pushed through deadlines like a champ and I really thought it was going well.

                  What changed first was my skin. My breakouts were horrendous when I was stressed. Juggling my new relationship and living on my own. It was a very full plate.

                  What keeps me going is looking at how far I have come and not what I have left to do.  The journey has had its ups and downs and it was a tough adjustment but I have a tonne of support. I pay my own way which helps me appreciate my education that much more.

                  If you are thinking of going back to school, I highly recommend it. The challenges you will face will ignite a flame for passion. Follow your heart and the fight will be well worth it.

Love, Trish

Just finished a body sculpt workout!!  Now I'm refreshed and inspired to put fingers to keyboard and share with you the hardest part I found, and continue to find about losing and maintaining weight.  When I explain this part of it, I remind you to keep an open mind.  You can believe what you want to believe but I'm telling you, the moment you open up to this is the moment you will feel much freer and less trapped inside your own physical body.

I was reading a book called Skinny Bitch which really promotes being a vegetarian.  When it comes to these types of books I'm like a sponge, I read it, take it all in, then I let some of it drip out.  I took "Skinny Bitch" for what it was and only follow the parts that I agree with.  I believe there are components in meat that we still need to survive, we maybe don't need the whole rack of ribs but we still need something.  Anyways, I'm getting off topic.
In this book, they used quotes from Anatomy of the Spirit.  It opened me up to a whole new concept where the emotions and stress in your life mirror your health and wellbeing.

So the more I read the more I made connections within my own life.
I was a pretty sick kid, getting all the bugs that made its rounds through school.  I also had Beaver Fever for a few years after drinking contaminated water when I was 4 and no one noticed until I gave it to my brother.

They look so mischievous!

After I got over my nasty parasites I had it pretty good.  Life was about getting through grade school and having fun with friends, and family without a care in the world.
My parents did a pretty good job at filtering the world for us and in a way I wish they didn't try so hard.  When everything went sour and hit the fan, all of a sudden I had to deal with all these issues and it really scared me.

#1-My Aunt and Uncle went through a brutal divorce and I lost contact with a lot of my cousins, our family has never been the same since, they don't get along and they don't agree with what every body does.  They are strictly christian but they are very difficult to get along with.

#2-My grandparents owned a farm that my dad took over when he became of age.  My parents and my grandfather were business partners and after my grandma divorced my grandpa when I was 10, my grandpa married a gold digger and we weren't allowed to enter his house anymore.  Very strange for a child so used to running up to the farm house during milking to grab a snack or play with the bucket of toys to suddenly be told do not go into that house unless your parents are present.

#3-Grandpa eventually tried divorcing the gold digger and said gold digger took him for everything.

#4-I have been bullied by my sister since I was born.  This is constant and even as adults I struggle to get away from it and her.

#5-My dads younger sister was diagnosed and passed away from pancreatic cancer within 6 months the year....the month I graduated, leaving behind a 4 year old daughter, my only cousin on my dads side.
                                                           Me, my cousin, and my brother

So that's what was happening in my life, mainly starting when I was 10 and the bulk of it took place over my graduating year which was when I realized, my health issues started kicking in.

I have never had a normal period without the assistance of hormones through the Pill.  After I graduated I had a string of infections starting with Mononucleosis, strepp throat, urinary tract infections (literally about 6 of them in a row), yeast infections (every time I got a UTI, it was followed by a yeast infection), a round of impetigo, and a chest infection.  I had a doctors appointment almost once a month and I fell into a depression, I pushed my friends away and I didn't know what to do with myself.

It starts as simple as maybe opening up to your friends more.  Talking about things that make you uncomfortable is the easiest way to lift that burden from your shoulders.  This is what I found helped me but I know there are many different ways to relieve the pressure.  My friends got to know me a little better...a LOT better, and I wasn't afraid of my dark secrets anymore.  No one's perfect, and you may find that they have the same..or worse problems than you.  Life is too short to be living in your own shadow.  Speaking from experience, it is so much more worth it to open up and become happy with yourself than live within your own protective barriers.  No one said this will happen overnight, it is a process that you must be comfortable with but once it happens, you will be so ecstatic and happy with who you are that you will learn how to take care of yourself effortlessly.

Starting on the inside

The first time I wanted to lose weight was for my prom.  It worked really well and I lost about 15lbs for that walk across the stage; However, after I was out of school it all came back.  Mostly, it was emotional baggage that I had never dealt with and I know that now, looking back.  If you sit there and think about stuff you have been carrying with you, it can be quite overwelming at times.  I have done a little bit of research on how emotions reflect physically on your body and it completely makes sense.

One of my main sources of information comes from the book called "Anatomy of the Spirit" by Caroline Myss, PhD.  It goes into great detail how our hormones and adrenal glands extreting chemicals are the physical reflection of our emotions.  In turn, everything we think, we feel which reflects onto organs and bones; every inch of our bodies respond to what they call emotional "trauma."  Dealing with this emotional trauma right away allows your body to heal, areas that you didn't even know were affected could be relieved and treated naturally just by talking it out or seeking help, exercising, any form of therapy to help you have peace of mind.  This is especially helpful in understanding my next source of information from a concept called German New Medicine.




Reading the website containing information about German New Medicine you learn of a doctor who was healthy his whole life.  Shortly after his son was killed while on vacation, this seemingly healthy doctor developed testicular cancer.  He thought it was quite the coincidence and decided to look into the matter.  German New Medicine is a way to determine and heal disease.  It goes into detail of the different stages of diseases and cancers.  The first "cold" stage is the development of the ailment and after time the person may become warm which is the physical reflection of the specific disease healing itself.  Even on a CT scan, this doctor could determine the healing by an embolism which is basically the tumour or damage being surrounded in fluid and getting flushed out of your body just by dealing with your woes and healing that mental "trauma."

I wish I knew more about these amazing findings but I just started getting into it and reading the Anatomy of the Spirit.  I'm almost half way through.  This will just be the beginning of this topic as I know how important these concepts are.  I hope by reading about this, you have the strength to heal and begin the possibilities of a refreshed new perspective of how amazing and truly strong you really are.

A reason to be Proud

I was working my on call job one day when something clicked in me.  Something I hadn't felt for a while.  I was suddenly determined to let my voice shine and even though I wasn't sure how, I knew I had the determination to let it out. 

I grew up with a great mother who did her best to teach me what was healthy and what was not.  The problem was, I don't think I really listened to her and by the time she was done teaching me these solid ways, I had fallen off my road to health and couldn't leave behind the taste of chicken fingers and fries.  When I was a teenager, we started eating out more and more and my mothers gradual hate of cooking led us to only purchase quickly made foods such as perogies and bologna, Oreo cookies and pasta.  These bad habits followed me until I was graduating high school.

The first time I tried to lose weight was for my prom.  I was getting very uncomfortable with my body and how it looked, I also saw my mom having the same weight problems and constant teasing from my sister all caused me to want to get rid of the weight in fear that I would get worse and drown in myself.  Of course starving myself and binge eating took some weight off but it all came back when I grew tired of being hungry and miserable.  I wasn't very active and I just started confusing myself with how to do it that I grew depressed about it and gave up.

This is what eating a cereal bowl of ice cream and chocolate chippits every day does to you physically:

That was me 19 years old, 5'7", 165 lbs.  Yeah a lot of people have told me that I wasn't that big and definitely not obese but my problem wasn't just skin deep.  I don't know what clicked but I was getting depressed, I felt limited and hostile.  I started to not enjoy being myself and I knew that if I didn't wanna be around me, then who else would??  And that's when my healing process began.

This is me today:

Same height, 130lbs.  Easy?  Hell no.

This is why I want to start this blog.  I hope my journey inspires others to follow their hopes and dreams into getting healthy.  My goal is to give you the best information I can, filter it out from the crap that everyone hears about.  Teach you to deal with your feelings, give you the information you need to surpass yourself and become mentally and physically stronger in every way to the point that you blow yourself away with your achievements and are finally proud of who you are.  This weight you are carrying?  Why do you think you are carrying it??